Wild Beast Review

We're here at Canada's Wonderland. Today's ride we'll be reviewing for you is Wild Beast. When you first walk up to the ride, you think, "Hmm, It's just one the parks typical wooden coasters. Nothing Special. I'll just get the credit and have a little fun." Wrong. While it may be one of Canada's Wonderland's Wooden Coasters, it is not fun in any way whatsoever. In fact, this ride is a painful, slow, dreaded, boring, unbearable experience. One of the captions I wrote about Wild Beast in my Canada's Wonderland update said the following. "This thing is slower than Mean Streak, rougher than sleeping on a broken glass bed, and more disgusting than sex with the Evil Millenium Force Ride Operator." While that last statement is pure bullsh*t, the first two things are true!! Wild Beast is in fact slower than Mean Streak and is in fact rougher than sleeping on a bed of broken glass. Ouch. However, I would rather remove my own appendix with a butterknife without any sort of anesthisia, while making love to my dog as we both ride Wild Beast together than have any sort of feelings to that horrible horrible woman known as the Millenium Force Ride Operator. Anyways, back to Wild Beast. We first get in the cars and roll around a turn before heading straight towards the lifthill. The lifthill is really cool. As when you are going up the lifthill, you sort of bounce up the lifthill rather than climb. While riding, I turned to Logan and said "Dude!! This lifthill is awesome!!!" and he said "Yep." But after a few seconds I suddenly realized that if this is rough on the lifthill, imagine how bad it'll be on the actual ride itself. Then we crest the lifthill. You beg, cry, scream, and pray. But it's too late. You then go down the first drop. I think there's speed. I'm not sure. I just noticed that something kept crashing into the inside of my skull. Oh that was my brain. You then rise up and go straight into another turnaround. It's quite similar to Grizzly @ CGA, except on Grizzly, you're bored out of your mind on the slow turnarounds where as on Wild Beast, your treating a nasty headache. After a few minutes, we make a full recovory. But to our horror, there's another drop. We are back where we started where our skulls are shaking and smacking against our skulls. After a small hill to rise up, we drop and turn into a tunnel. During that, we SMACK into the side and possibly popped our spleens. During that tunnel, you just hear everyone scream "OWW!!!!!" We then go through a small little airtime hill. However, there's no airtime and there's a ton of vibrations and roughness. Then comes the next turnaround. we rise up and slam into the turnaround. This hurts badly. We lose speed, but we just gain it back and getting the crap shaken out of us some more. =( We then go through a couple airtime hills and with slight turns. SHAKE!!! SLAM!!! OUCH!!!! Repeat. After that, we go through another turnaround. At this point, we are reduced to two year old children crying and begging for Mommy. Then we go through a couple more hills of unbearable torture and shaking until you reach the brake run. Ladies and gentelmen, that was one of the worst coasters we have ever ridden. I would not recommend riding this ride if you are at Canada's Wonderland. I don't care if you're a die hard credit whore. I don't care if you're a woodie nut. I don't care if there's no line. I don't care if it's the only ride open in the park. DO NOT RIDE WILD BEAST!!! You'll be sorry if you do.

1/10

Location: Canada's Wonderland

Opened: 1981

Built by: Philadelphia Toboggan Coasters

Last Ridden: August 7, 2008

Wild Beast Photos