Dragon Review

We're here at Adventureland. Today's ride we'll be reviewing for you is the Dragon. Now when you first look at the Dragon, you think to yourself "This is gonna be awesome!!! The back to back loops should provide a lot of force while the helixes should provide a lot of laterals." And while the ride does look like a really good looking Schwarzkoph coaster, and really blends right into Adventureland, keep in mind that these are just looks. In reality, this ride rapes your mind, scars you for life, and tries to fracture your skull. Yes, it really is THAT BAD!!!!!! So pack some advil with you and make sure you have your blanket with you in your hotel room cause thing is going to give you some of the worst nightmares you will ever experience in your entire life. Anyways, you first start off sitting in the seats and pulling down the OTSRs. They are pretty damn hard and don't have much padding on them. Just in case you thought the harnesses would help ease the pain. We exit out of the station and the pain begins. First we go through a couple of preshow bumps, sort of similar to a Wacky Worm. So surely, at least this part is smooth. WRONG!!!!!!!!! YOU GET THE LIVING SH*T BEATEN OUT OF YOU EVEN HERE!!!!!!!!!! It seriously is mind boggling how such simple and harmless and boring elements can cause the pain of a really bad SLC. And if it's this bad already, just imagine the pain at full speed. Yeah. Ouch. Anyways, we then begin to climb the lifthill. It provides you with a lovely view of Adventureland, as well as corn, but you can't think about corn right now. You're about to freaking die!!! We then crest the lifthill, SMACK to the right, and before we know it, we're heading down the first drop. I think we've picked up speed, but all I notice is that the seat is vibrating, not in a good carnival foot massage way. Like in a This is made with chewing gum way. And of course, the headbanging begins. We then head through the two loops. I just noticed that the ride was doing a drumroll, and my head was the drum!!!! You can watch the corn from upsidedown twice all while screaming "Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow Ow!!!!!!" After the loop, we head into the first helix, which brings us to our first SMACK!!!!!! You smack that restraint hard and good. However, instead of being able to nurse your possibly fractured skull, the restraint just vibrates against your skull, which doesn't help it at all and overall, just helps make for a bigger headache. Then we go into helix #2. SMACK!!!!!! Now the other side of our skull is in pain. The restraint then continues to vibrate to make our headache even worse. However, hope is here. I can see the brake run!!!! Oh joy!!!! Run!!!! Run towards the end!!!!! However, before we reach the end, we have to go through a slught, in which Dragon totally bitchslaps us in a way to tell us that she has won. But whatever. It's over!!!! It's all over!!!! The horribleness of Dragon is now over. I think they have a house of mirrors in the exit, which would have been awesome. Though I'm pretty sure all those mirrors were the result of a hallucination caused by the brain damage Dragon gives you. Ladies and gentelmen, that was one of the worst coasters ever ridden by Incrediblecoasters (And hopefully one of the worst coasters in the world). I would not recommend riding this ride if you are at Adventureland. I don't care if you're a die hard credit whore. I don't care if you're a looper nut. I don't care if there's no line. I don't care if it's the only ride open in the park. DO NOT RIDE DRAGON!!! You'll be sorry if you do.

1/10

Location: Adventureland

Opened: 1991

Built by: O.D Hopkins

Last Ridden: August 6, 2010

Dragon Photos