Gouderix Review

We're here at Parc Asterix. Today's ride we'll be reviewing for you is Gouderix. Now when you first look at Gouderix, it looks like a really fun ride. It looks like it has a lot of speed, a lot of forces, and a ton of inversions that look like a nice twisted mess. So this should be fun. Right? Right? Well...if you pay attention to the roller coaster community at all, you'll quickly discover that Gouderix has a reputation, and it's certainly not a pretty reputation. Not only does this ride have a bad reputation, it has a reputation for being one of the worst coasters on the planet. Yeah, this ride is sort of like the Charlie Manson of roller coasters. It's famous. Everybody knows about this ride. But unfortunetly, everyone knows about it as the horrible coaster that literally beats the sh*t out of you. Hell, just watch my POV of the ride down below and you'll quickly see just what I think of the ride. So if you don't want to read about how I hate this ride, you can simply watch that video and hear me scream and curse in a very clean G-Rated POV of this monstrosity. In fact, if you look closely at Gouderix, you'll quickly notice that the elements on this coaster are not...natural. Like they were the designs from some 3 year old scribbling and then Vekoma saw the scribbles and said "That's what we're basing this ride on. Let's get to work everyone". For years on end now, Gouderix has been ranked as the Worst Steel Coaster on the planet for many years. Last time I checked, it was currently ranked as the 2nd Worst Steel Coaster on the planet. So it won't come as a big surprise when I tell you that this is the worst coaster ever ridden by Incrediblecoasters. Yep. This one is the worst. It's worse than Dragon and it's worse than Bandit. This ride is just f*cking BRUTAL. It beats the ever loving SH*T out of you. Everything bad you've heard about Gouderix, it's true. It really does have some of the worst headbanging on any coaster out there. This ride is so brutal, you'll have to develop a morphine addiction to get over how bad the headbanging is. So let's not waste any more time. Let's pull down the rock hard OTSRs, and away we go. We head down a dip, and begin to climb the lifthill. There's not much of a view, but even if this coaster had the best view in the world, we wouldn't be worrying about the view. All we'd be doing is sitting there, contemplating. Asking ourselves "Why did I decide to ride this ride?", "Why do I torture myself all for something as stupid and pointless as counting credits?", "Why does this ride still exist?", "Does riding Gouderix count as BDSM Masturbation?", "Will my health insurance cover injuries caused by this ride?", "Am I the only person who thinks a Wacky Worm would be really nice in this spot?", "Is this the reason why people start shooting heroin?", "SOMEBODY HIT THE E-STOP PLEASE!!!", "Why do I hate myself?", "Should I suddenly convert to Pastafarianism so the Flying Spaghetti Monster doesn't send me to hell in case I die from this ride?", "Have I mentioned that I really don't want to ride this ride?", "Should I check myself into an Insane Asylum for choosing to ride this ride?", "Seriously. Why haven't they torn down Gouderix already?", "OH F*CK!!! WE'RE AT THE TOP!!!". We crest the lifthill and head around a turnaround, about to head down the first drop. We just sit back, pee our pants, and close our eyes. The torture is about to begin. The first drop actually isn't so bad. It's a little fun, and it does provide us with some nice speed. You know what? This isn't so bad. Maybe we should open our eyes. Maybe we'll actually enjoy this ride. Then we head into the Butterfly inversion. SON OF A BITCH!!! It's now BRUTAL!!! Incredibly PAINFUL!!! We are SLAMMED to the side. I think the side of our head has officially been bruised now. That was one of the hardest smacks on any coaster. If this was done by a human, we'd call it Domestic Violence. At the top of the inversion, where we're upsidedown, we're still shaking like crazy, feeling like this train is going to rattle apart and we'll all fall to our deaths. Hey, at least Gouderix will be over sooner that way. We then twist down to the ground and SMACK!!! Another brutal hit to the head as we twist back down to the ground. And there's another one to go. Another brutal SMACK to the head, more crazy shaking at the top, and more twisting back down to the ground. At this point, we're in tears. "I WANT TO GET OFF!!! MAKE IT STOP!!! MOMMY!!!" we scream. We open our eyes, to find a very pretty view of Parc Asterix. Too bad this feels more like my bullying experiences back in School. We then head straight into the Batwing. OH CRAP!!! SON OF A BITCH!!! *SMACK*!!!! OUCH!!!! We smack our way upsidedown and rattle back down onto the water, flipping ourselves back right-side up, headbanging and shuffling all the way. We then flip upsidedown again, and BAM!!! SMACK!!! We're greeted with another donkey kick to the head. "I HATE THIS RIDE!!! I HATE IT!! I HATE IT!!! I HATE IT!!!". Well, if you want some good news, there actually is some. The ride actually gets better from this point on. And when I say this ride gets better, I'm saying that this ride upgrades from one of the worst and most painful coasters on the planet to just as horrible as a particuarly sh*tty SLC. Wow, thats such an improvement. But hey!!! I'll take it!!! We then head straight into a vertical loop. It sucks. It shuffles. There's a ton of shaking and headbanging. But hey, it's not as bad as that murderous Butterfly element from earlier on the ride. Oh, and keep in mind that our skulls are already sensitive and fragile from the damage endured from the first part of the ride. So the still brutal, but not quite as bad as before, headbanging we're about to endure will be extra painful. We then head up a small hill, and around a curved drop. That gives us a nice SMACK and pins us to the side of the OTSR as we head on down. And then we head straight into two back to back corkscrews. Imagine riding down a hill in a wagon with square wheels. Now imagine your head IS the square wheel. That's what going through these corkscrews feels like. We then head into a big curve, with a small dip, and a couple more SMACKS. OUCH!! OUCH!! OUCH!!! And...SANCTUARY!!! We hit the brake run!!! Thank god!!! It's over!!! Wait, oh crap!!! There's one tiny little drop to go!!! No pain!!! No pain!!! No pain!!! No pain!!! We slide down the curved drop with no headbanging and slide up a small hill into the final brake run. And that was Gouderix. Oh god!!! Give me an ice pack for my head please. And a bottle of Advil please. THIS RIDE IS F*CKING AWFUL!!! DEFINETLY THE WORST COASTER I'VE EVER RIDDEN!!! I'm not joking. This is horrible. I truely hate it. I may have been a little colorful in describing the headbanging, but it literally gave me a headache that took me 10 minutes to recover from. And not only that, but this ride nearly broke my arm. Yeah. I'm not kidding. You see, I had to hold it high for the POV I shot, and my arm just kept jerking around (for that much movement, I'd say the POV turned out all right) and it HURT!!! Not joking, my arm still hurt from Gouderix when I flew back home to America. But luckily, you should avoid that if you don't shoot a POV. But you know what's an even better idea, STAYING THE F*CK AWAY FROM GOUDERIX!!! It seriously amazes me that people were waiting 3 HOURS to ride this death trap!!! Seeing that line really made me question the intellegence of the French. I would not recommend riding this ride if you are at Parc Asterix. I don't care if you're a die hard credit whore. I don't care if you're a looper nut. I don't care if there's no line. I don't care if it's the only ride open in the park. DO NOT RIDE GOUDERIX!!! You'll be sorry if you do.


Location: Parc Asterix

Opened: 1989

Built by: Vekoma

Last Ridden: June 30, 2012

Here's my raw footage video of Gouderix (complete with a POV showcasing just how great the ride is).

Gouderix Photos