Anaconda Review

We're here at Walygator Parc. Today's ride we'll be reviewing for you is Anaconda. When you first walk up to the ride, you think, "Hmm, It's just the parks typical old wooden coaster. Nothing Special. I'll just get the credit and have a little fun." WRONG!!!! THIS ISN'T JUST AN ORDINARY WOODEN COASTER!!! IT IS ONE OF THE WORST WOODEN COASTERS ON THE PLANET!!! No seriously. It made our Top 10 Worst Coasters List. That is NOT a list you want to be a part of. So ugh. Let's just get this credit over with. We hop in the terrible Morgan Trains, pull down the lap bars, and we're off. Oh sh*t. We go through some straight track before climbing up the lifthill. The slow klankity-klank-klank just makes us wonder "Is this thing really going to be as bad as people claim?". Cause keep in mind, this ride has been claimed to be on the same level as Gouderix and Dragon. I'm not looking foreword to this. I'm really not looking foreword to this ride. Well too late now. We're at the top and here we go. We get some speed and...yeah. There's some jackhammering and a little bit of pain at the bottom. But it's not...unbearable. But even so. I still really do not like this. I don't like this one bit. We head up a hill and that takes ALL of our speed. No, I'm dead serious. We're at walking speeds at the top. Trust me, there's a damn good reason those anti-rollbacks are at the top. Anyways, we head down a curved drop and regain some speed. And with speed, comes shuffling. Ugh. This is not fun. We head up another curved hill. Yeah. There are definetly some uncomfortable laterals here. It's not unbearable pain or anything. But it's just...this annoyance. Like that obnoxious person constantly flicking you in the head. You just grow to hate him just like I'm growing to hate this ride. We come down, pick up some speed, head back up, into some straight track and some brakes. From here on out, this ride will have no speed at all. No, I'm dead serious. We head down a small drop, not much speed has been gained, but at least we got a headchopper. Into Hill #1. No airtime. No speed. The only way you maintain any interest is in placing bets on whether the anti-roll backs will have to do their job or if we'll just barely make it over the hill. Into Airtime Hill #2. God Damn It!!! This ride is so boring that we pull out our smartphones and start playing Candy Crush. Yeah, that game sucks, but it's still better than this peice of sh*t ride!!! We rise up and start to head into these laterals with a couple dips in them. It's not even painful or shuffly or anything. Cause it's just SO DAMN BORING!!! We go down a couple dips and around a couple turns before heading into some straight track. I think this is supposed to be the final brake run, but honestly, we're going so slowly that there's not anything to slow down. I still stand by my original statement in calling this ride French Grizzly. Cause yeah, it's EXACTLY that. I swear to god, the continents are drifting away at faster speeds than this ride. But honestly, I was lucky in my ride. Cause for me, Anaconda was only boring, annoying, shuffling, and a waste of lumber. Apparently, this ride used to be much worse in the sense that it actually beat the living crap out of you, but then they slowed it down to its current snail suicide speeds. And that's really so telling when you have to crawl to make sure that your coaster doesn't hurt other people. What does that say about your ride? Ugh. I wouldn't even recommend this ride for credit whoring, and that's primarily what this park is for. Think of it this way, Monster is right next door and you could be getting re-rides on that instead of boring yourself to shuffle death on this abomination.


Location: Walygator Parc

Opened: 1989

Built by: William Cobb

Last Ridden: June 24, 2012

Anaconda Photos